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 Meditation, Coaching, and the Enneagram— Pamela Michealis, EANT International Board Member, EANT Conference 2012 Presenter Over the past five years, my colleague Tilman Metzger and I have been developing and teaching a structured mediation technique for dealing with conflict from an Enneagram perspective. More specifically, we use the concepts of the three centers of intelligence, three forces of energy, defense mechanisms, and even panel work in the Narrative Tradition to support the conflict-resolution process. It has been a fulfilling learning experience; a chance to align a method of mediation with the Narrative Tradition, basic psychological and spiritual principles. As challenging as the idea may be, we have come to value conflict as a natural principle according to the Law of Three. Clarifying conflict helps to release valuable energy and brings hidden truths into the foreground. Conflict can become a unique chance for development. It's a source of growth for those who are willing to take responsibility, reflect, speak for themselves, and listen to and experience the truth of others involved. This process needs a fully accepting, non-judgemental setting, so our philosophy in mediation corresponds with a core strength of the Narrative Tradition, to create a safe space, offer useful structure, and pose questions so that each person can self-reflect and tell their story, and listen while others tell theirs. Mediation found its way from America to Europe during the late 1980s via the conflicts in Northern Ireland, where my colleague, Tilman Metzger "did time" as a peace worker. He brought mediation to Germany 27 years ago and is an expert in his field. He is also a Type 8 and an Enneagram enthusiast. Some years ago he invited me to offer Enneagram courses for experienced mediators. I noticed that mediators who did not know about their style of selective perception could miss relevant information or overuse their primary center of intelligence. I also noticed how body types tended to concentrate on solutions, heart types on feelings, and relationships, and head types asked a lot of questions and paid attention to adequate information. We talked about this and although he has been teaching mediators for years, he began to get excited about how the Enneagram could bring a new dimension to these training sessions. We were looking at the potential for empowering the mediator; we did not yet realize how working with the Enneagram would help to evolve the actual conflict-resolution method. We are now offering a 220-hour certified mediation training in combination with the Enneagram. It was my intention to work as much as possible in the Narrative Tradition, so we agreed the six-day Enneagram Intensive would be a prerequisite. We also require our participants be willing to engage in self-reflection. In the second year we introduced another criteria, we asked them to work on their own conflicts during the training. As many participants were being financed by their organizations, we suggested the conflicts could be relevant to the workplace or personal lives. This turned out to be a real breakthrough, people talking for themselves about their conflict issues and the learning power of the Narrative Tradition came into its own. It was almost as if the training was evolving itself. With so much opportunity for observing conflict, I began to see and understand the role of the three inherent life forces. When a point of balance is reached, new solutions manifest themselves. It often seems effortless. Reconciling force has done its work. So we began to adapt our method according to the Law of Three. Briefly:
To effectively use these insights for conflict resolution, mediators need to be well-grounded with a strong inner-observer and a high degree of body awareness. We offer breathing exercises and bodywork to help people differentiate and connect actively with each center, especially to awaken the body center. Love is after all a higher state of the body center, a “being and holding” state rather than a doing state. Bridge over Troubled Water – There are normally five main phases in classic mediation:
We actually have seven because we believe it is important to have a clear contract before mediation begins, especially in corporate settings, and we like to provide some aftercare for managers and teams. The Enneagram is relevant in all phases, simply because the mediator needs to embody holding and reconciling force, empathy, and genuine interest, and must know how to be present in relationship with other-centered people. Understanding our mediator role as a third force container helps to create a good framework, while collecting different viewpoints. We welcome the energy of accusations and difficult feelings as fuel for the clarifying work that lies ahead. We want active and receptive force to agitate with one another so we avoid any impulse to calm people down, other than staying grounded and interested ourselves. We guide conflict parties step-by-step down the conflict ladder using a method called doubling (in Deutsch: Doppeln) which helps to translate “other-ness” into language that enables all those involved to see, hear, and understand a deeper reality behind what they may consider "unreasonable behavior." This method has proved useful in conflicts, which have escalated over years because it is so well structured. We, in the Narrative Tradition, have a real advantage in this phase. Knowing the Enneagram heightens our awareness of differing conflict behavior and the underlying motives, which may have led to it. We hear issues that relate to each person's Enneagram style, their defense mechanisms, core motivations, and needs. We can differentiate between defensive emotions like anger, guilt, or manipulative tears. And softer emotions related to underlying distress like emotional pain, fear, helplessness and powerlessness, knowledge that brings empathy, emotional eloquence, and accuracy to this work. Nature of Conflict There is humility in knowing this. How we behave in conflict becomes a matter of choice. To know more, we must stay present and interested. We can close down to other-ness, react to it, deal in shame, blame, and self--rightiousness, or choose to stay open, present, interested, seeking to understand, holding and taking responsibility for our inner experience and feelings with a willingness to invest energy for, rather than against, something. We can heal something inside of ourselves and we can be sure this is the best we can do. Conflict can become a source of love and learning, a source of empowerment and growth for any relationship, and perhaps most importantly, with this understanding, relationships are never boring. They are enrichening and in continual evolution.
Pamela Michaelis, with a background in IT and 23 years experience as a manager, Pamela applies the Enneagramm as a tool for personal, relationship and team development in seminars, corporate consultancy and individual coaching. She is a founder member of EBNE (Enneagram in Business Network Europe) and chaired the German Association of Enneagram Teachers for four years. She organises and presents at national, European, and international conferences and writes innovative articles on the enneagram. Pam also co-authored the book, "Ich bin anders - Du auch?"
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Matt Ahren's Continued Interview with Tara Brach Meditation, Coaching, and the Enneagram by Pamela Michaelis OPENING TO JOY! Last Call for the 2012 Conference! Raffle Donations for Conference? Contribute! from Barbara Ohlendorf
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